Happy 2017! Yesterday I gave myself the day off, being that it was my birthday and all. As with so many things in life, the fact that I was born on January 1st is usually more exciting for other people than it is for me. When I was young, it was kind of a drag because I would have visions of lively, fun, thematic birthday parties... and then no one would come. Eventually I just came to understand that New Year's Day is not a day to party. People are already partied and holiday-ed out. That goes for presents too - most folks are so over giving gifts by the 1st.
The first day of the year is, however, a fantastic day for introspection, meditation, prayer, new beginnings. I feel like this kind of symbolizes my life - always yearning for the big party (that is all about you), yet just missing it and coming back again and again to a destiny that is much more contemplative, sober, focused outside the self. Maybe, just maybe I have somehow managed to create a life that somehow combines the two natures - a life of service to humanity through food, music, parties, and entertainment. I like to think that is the case. :-)
This morning in the course of a conversation with my wise-beyond-his-years son he said "You know Mama, birthdays are not about cake. They are about friends." He is absolutely right. I feel younger today than I did 3 years ago, simply for the fact that I truly feel loved. I was totally loved by a wonderful circle of friends and family then, but some things had happened that blocked me from feeling it. At that time, I felt old, sad, bereft and hopeless. Those were dark times. Yet I would never trade them for anything because of what I learned and how those experiences opened me up. Now that I think about it, I probably had to have my heart broken in that way, so that I could actually open it to those around me.
We have had some serious loss in our little family, and that can be especially poignant at the holiday time when everyone is on vacation and spending time with family. Yesterday I was talking with my son (but then realized I was also counseling myself) about how sometimes God takes people out of our lives so that we can realize that it is really Him we are looking for. For when we are alone and there is no one but the Lord to turn to, we develop a very sweet and deep relationship with the Supreme Beloved that does not become overshadowed if and when that person (or another) ever comes back into our lives. Just some contemplations I was having yesterday at the dawn of 2017.
I really want to thank you all for supporting Govinda's and/or Samadhi, for being in my life, and for sticking with me (those of you who knew me then) even when I couldn't feel your care. If you are in that space now, take heart. Things will turn around, when you are good and ready for them to. Here is a fantastic video, dedicated to all my friends who have had reversals and are working their way back to standing. You know who you are, Overcomers, every one of you.